Minding Our Elders®

Celebrating Valentine's Day when loved one can't understand

During their last years, my parents' special days would be considered by some to be a fiasco, if the celebrations were judged by traditional standards. Yet, I'll never regret trying my best to simulate the kind of celebration my parents had always had. Celebrations give life some texture. And if anyone needs something to make one day different than all of the others, it's people who are already coping with the indignities the aging process can bring.

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Trying to prevent falls in elderly a challenge to family caregivers and professionals

I've joked (actually, it's thinly veiled seriousness) with care agency people, and our city leaders, that every city needs one person available day and night to just sit and wait for a call to pick someone up off the floor. Caregivers have a dreadful time with this problem and often they don't know who to call for help.

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Study shows nicotine patch could help some with mild cognitive impairment (MCI)

Smoking is bad for our health. Nothing has changed that often proven fact. Also, nicotine is part of the addictive element in smoking. However, nicotine as administered through a medical patch, rather than a tobacco product, was shown in a recent study to have some benefit for nonsmokers with mild cognitive impairment (MCI). Not everyone with MCI goes on to develop Alzheimer’s disease, but many people do. Therefore, the interest in studying MCI is intense.

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Use compassion with Mom to help her move

Dear Carol: My dad died suddenly about a year ago. Mom is 73 and quite frail for her age. She’s also slipping cognitively. She can’t keep up the house they’ve lived in for decades. She seems afraid to live there alone, so I’d like to see her move to assisted living. She actually wants to make the move, but she seems frozen when it comes to getting rid of anything in the house so she can move. How can I get her going with this project? - Amanda

Dear Amanda:  Your mom has decades of memories attached to the home, most of which likely include your dad. She probably feels she’s leaving a part of him behind if she moves out. At the same time, she’s rightly concerned about living alone. Remind her that Dad would want her to be safe.

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When both parents have dementia

Statistics vary, but upward of thirty percent of caregivers die before those they are caring for. Some of those are adult children, lonely and depressed, isolated and frustrated, often torn by guilt. These caregivers can develop cancer, commit suicide, or have heart problems and other ill health that can likely be traced to the stress of caring for their loved ones.

How do caregivers cope when they have two parents with dementia?:

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UK reporter chronicles dementia awareness course: calls it a “taste of hell”

The saying that we can’t really understand another person’s experience until we’ve “walked in their shoes,” has always felt right to me. Intelligent people can be educated to the brim and be able to give excellent “book” advice. However, it frequently takes someone who has endured an experience similar to ours in order to make us feel thoroughly understood. This is where real "hands on" advice differs from advice in the abstract.

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When an ill parent turns on the charm with the doctor

 A friend of mine took her mother to the doctor because she suspected her mom was in the early stages of Alzheimer's. My friend sat dumbfounded as her mom charmed the socks off the doctor and seemed as sharp as she was ten years ago. The mother denied any health issues, especially those associated with memory. The doctor, too busy to run tests on someone who seemed "so good for her age," signed off of some prescriptions and sent them off. My friend felt like banging her head against the wall.

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